You're Not the Boss of Me

No, this is not a quote from one of my children.

It's a rephrase of a comment made to me by someone I thought reported to me. Come to find out he reports to the president, which explains why he completely blew off my info requests last week. He's above all that. He's too sexy, I guess.

Please don't let me become like that when I'm big and important enough to have a Sr. VP title and be a part owner of a company. Please don't let me be so vain as to think common courtesy isn't still the right thing to do.

Gratitude

Why I am grateful for my new job:

an excuse to kick my daily fast food breakfast habit
oatmeal at work
getting home in less than 10 minutes most days
peers
mentors
a sensitive, intelligent, experienced manager
feeling capable to handle the challenges I'm encountering
exciting work
chances to see Nicci (yeah - this Friday!!!)
being part of a team again
feeling like I can grow
people believing in me and wanting me to grow
new friendships
developing trust
an expense account with which to take out former colleagues
people who are looking out for me
employees who are thoughtful and professional
challenge, even if it is sometimes hard
no more candy dish in my office - no need, candy/soda/oatmeal is provided by the company in the breakroom
my new latte habit and my increased calcium intake - the office has one of these
finding joy in my work and relationships as much as possible
my new mentor/dog walking buddy

Thought for the Day

The majority of people feel they must be doing something all of the time. Many who sit all day in an office or clean the house or work in a factory think that if they sit down at a sidewalk cafe and fold their arms and look at people, they are merely wasting time. They are wrong. In watching people and enjoying life, they may only then be truly alive.

- Musician Artur Rubinstein

Thought for the Day

The older one gets, the more one feels that the present must be enjoyed; it is a precious gift, comparable to a state of grace.

- Marie Curie

Thought for the Day

Life is full of miracles, but they're not always the ones we pray for.

- Acress Eve Arden

Thought for the Day

Go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is.

- Jimmy Carter

Thought for the Day

I live by one principle: Enjoy life with no conditions! People say, "If I had your health, if I had your money, oh, I would enjoy myself." It is not true. I would be happy if I were lying sick in a hospital bed. it must come from inside. That is the one thing I hope to have contributed to my children, by example and by talk: to make no conditions, to understand that life is a wonderful thing and to enjoy it, every day, to the full.

- Musician Artur Rubinstein

"I'm the Girl!"

More than 20 years ago I played drums in a band. When I showed these pics to a coworker, he asked, "Which one are you?", to which I replied "I'm the girl!!!"

Anyhow, the band leader found me on the Internet recently and initiated contact. It has been a total trip to relive this era of my life, which included the divorce, being put in a home for troubled teens, almost losing my virginity at age 14, and eventually running away from home. It has made me miss making music. It made me miss being a part of a group (a clean, wholesome, respectful group of blonde honor students at the time).

I know, I know, drums aren't really music, but they are yet another creative and meditative outlet which I enjoyed very much at one point in my life.

So . . . I'm wondering if I should take them up again, perhaps bongos or something quieter/more portable. . . .

Thought for the Day

“The sun shines and warms and lights us and we have no curiosity to know why this is so; but we ask the reason of all evil, of pain, and hunger, and mosquitoes and silly people.”

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Gratitude

Lately I have been laughing and smiling a heck of a lot more and there is so much I am grateful for:

being there for my divorced friend on Valentine's Day
seeing "he's not that into you"
morning walks with my dogs and how much better my lab mix is getting off leash
getting perfume and wearing it again after 10 years without
the beautiful orchid an employee gave me
getting a raise for an employee who will be taking on some of my responsibilities when I leave
being able to afford flowers for my admin support person
our new home loan that will free up some disposable income
my new job
my new boss
my new coworkers
the professionalism my old boss is exhibiting in my leaving
knowing that this is temporary and that he's still an ass, so I have NO regrets
lunch dates every day for 2 weeks
my donut date with my husband this morning
making my son's lunch this morning with his help
running into friends at the donut shop and during the walk
being recognized by the bank teller as the mom of the kids' with the savings accounts
having polite children
scheduling our family portraits for March with our wedding photographer
finding a pair of jeans that fit - the first pair I tried!
not feeling like I need a 2+ glasses of wine after work each night
only working 3 day weeks for 3 weeks instead of the typical 2 weeks notice
my friend's educational program really taking off and taking shape
her ability to recognize the role and importance of marketing and defending the cost
future trips to the bay area!!!
my upcoming vacation to Mexico with the family before starting my new job
shopping for a blackberry for my new job
being able to donate blood and the car washes I get in return
the sincere gratitude that many of my employees have expressed for what I've done for them these past 3 years
feeling absolutely certain that this job change is right for me and having my eyes wide open about what it will entail
my husband's willingness to work with me through all sorts of drama
my husband's willingness to run the home while I take this new job
having so much to share in my gratitude post
feeling like I could go on for 100 more lines
date night tomorrow night

I Quit . . . for real this time!

It's been over a year since I declared "I Quit" on this blog and I have patiently worked through the longest job search of my career.

8 resume revisions, >10 interviews, and about 25 thank notes later, I landed a fantastic job in the private sector.

Last night, I quit. Words can hardly begin to describe how good I felt and how happy I was last night. College graduation doesn't even compare to this feeling.

I have a great new boss who is respectful, kind, highly intelligent, and works collaboratively with his people. I have a new culture focused on quality and friendliness.

Check it out: RMC Water and Environment.

The boss was shcokingly cool and had some pretty amazing things to say:

"That's a great company - really up and coming"
"You are going to do great there"
"You have better for my career than I have been for yours"
"You are a great manager"
"People here really like you"
"I would hire you again in a minute"
"Are you willing to work for us as a consultant?"

I was really taken aback. My therapist said that he felt he could finally say these things as I no longer was a threat. Wow.

This is going to be so good for me - I deserve this.

Did I mention that it will take me to the Bay area about once a quarter!!!!!

Thought for the Day

It isn't the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it's the pebble in your shoe.
- Muhammad Ali

If I were the breadwinner . . .

and my husband were the househusband, I would like him to (* is stuff I currently do - he actually does the other items already):

Do the laundry
Take the dry cleaning in
*Do the grocery shopping
*Plan and prepare the meals, especially weekday dinners
*Prepare the kids' lunches (at least half the time)
Manage the kids' homework responsibilities
clean house (would be willing to pay for this)
*mow the lawn (I would be willing to do the other gardening: edging, planting, etc.)
*Take the kids shopping for shoes and clothes
*Keep track of birthday parties and presents for birthday parties
Potty the dogs during the day
Keep track of dogs' medications, vet visits, etc.
*Feed the dogs
Take the kids to doctor/dentist appointments
Stay home with the kids when sick
Volunteer (such as cub scout leader)
Maintain the cars

Stuff I would do:
work a full-time job upon which my family can comfortably live:
- bring home an income sufficient to run the household, fund a retirement account for my husband, pay for vacations and occassional family/date nights, etc.
- provide health and dental care for entire family
- fund my own retirement account
other gardening
weekend outings with kids
volunteer (playgroup leader and occassional Girl Scout stuff)
groom dogs
clean cars
give kids their allowance and take them to the bank
track birthdays for relatives
track presents for Christmas, other
manage kids' thank you note writing to relatives

Did I forget anything?????

What I Want in My Next Job

Flexibility - to attend school functions and doctor appts as needed

Limited/no weekend work

4 weeks of vacation per year

Ability to max out my retirement savings along with company match

Health benefits for me and my family

Management responsibilties for a team

Good relationship with boss

Be home in time for dinner 4 out of 5 nights

Limited travel - a night every few weeks is okay

Potential for every other Friday off or half day Fridays in exchange for working 9 hour days

Less than 30 minute commute

Training opportunities

Opportunities to attend conferences

Mentors within the company

If not public job, than at least a 15% (?) raise to make up for reduced job security

A Contract, maybe, with severance if laid off for non-performance issues before 2 years time

Homemaker Source

Yertle, thanks for your comments and question. The previous Homemaker job description was courtesy of http://careers.stateuniversity.com/pages/308/Homemaker.html. There are lots of other job descriptions there including a search engine on education.

Homemaker

I'm considering a new job that would require a little more commitment of time than my current job. As a result, I started the discusion with my husband about his willingness to be a full-time homemaker while I support the family financially. We agreed to work on the job description. Here's one I found, thought it would interesting to share.

Education and Training: None

Salary: None

Employment Outlook: Excellent

People who take care of households for themselves and for the other people who live with them are called homemakers. They are responsible for managing the resources of their household. Homemakers may also perform general housekeeping chores and personal services, or they may assign them to other members of the household. Sometimes they employ people outside the household to do these tasks. Every household is unique, and the duties of each homemaker vary according to the ages, habits, needs, and incomes of the people in the household.

Homemakers are generally responsible for keeping their homes clean and running smoothly. They decide what cleaning jobs need to be done, and they arrange to have them completed. Cleaning tasks may include dusting, sweeping, making beds, washing and waxing floors, vacuuming, and a wide variety of other chores. Many homemakers also make sure that clothing and household items are laundered, dry-cleaned, or mended when needed. In many cases, they shop for food, clothing, and other household needs. Homemakers often plan, cook, and serve many of the meals for their households. Sometimes they make arrangements to have others cook meals in the home or to buy meals from outside sources.

Maintaining the household budget may be another responsibility of homemakers. They may take care of bills, banking, tax filing, and other financial matters. They often are responsible for day-to-day expenses, and they sometimes do long-range financial planning for their households. With other household members they make decisions about buying insurance, taking vacations, getting loans, and other important matters. Consumer skills are very important in making these decisions concerning the use of a household's resources.

In households with young children, homemakers have a great deal of responsibility for their care. If the children are very young, homemakers may feed, dress, and bathe them. As the children are growing, homemakers are responsible for creating a happy, healthy environment that will foster positive emotional and physical development. They may teach the children good health and personal habits, and make sure that they have proper medical and dental care. They may help them with their homework. As the children grow older, homemakers spend less time overseeing them. In some cases homemakers care for adult members of the household who are ill or infirm.

Many homemakers drive household members to and from their daily activities. They may also have cars serviced. Some do minor repairs on cars and household appliances.

Improving the appearance of their homes may be another household responsibility. Homemakers often decorate their houses or apartments. They may paint or paper walls and ceilings, apply floor coverings, or refinish furniture. Sometimes they care for lawns and gardens. Often homemakers arrange to have these jobs done by outside contractors.

Since many homemakers have full- or part-time jobs outside the home, two or more household members may share the work of running a home. Homemakers spend varying periods of time in their occupations, and the needs of every household change. Homemakers' careers are flexible and diverse.

Education and Training Requirements
There is no minimum age or educational requirements for homemakers. They learn such skills as cooking, cleaning, and child care informally at home. Individuals can prepare themselves for homemaking by taking high school and college courses in family and consumer science, psychology, sociology, mathematics, and first aid. Contact experienced homemakers for suggestions on ways to improve homemaking skills. There are also many books, magazines, and television and radio programs that teach homemaking skills.

Getting the Job
Most people become homemakers when they gain the responsibility of caring for a home and its occupants. In most cases other household members work outside the home to provide the income that the homemaker uses to care for the home. Choosing to become a homemaker is a personal issue and a career decision.

Advancement Possibilities and Employment Outlook
The employment outlook for homemakers is excellent, because every home needs a homemaker. Since homemaking is not a formal job, there is no formal advancement in the field. However, homemakers usually improve their skills with experience. As they become more experienced as consumers, for example, they often learn to make better use of the resources available to them. Many homemakers believe the highest form of advancement is being satisfied with the management of their home and knowing that other members of the household are satisfied in their home. Other homemakers see a decrease in the number of chores or an increase in the household income as a form of advancement. Both the job of homemaking and its form of advancement are defined by the individual members of the household. Because needs change, the household that needs a full-time homemaker in one decade may need only a part-time homemaker in the next.

Working Conditions
Homemakers work in a great variety of physical surroundings, determined in part by family income and by their own skills as a homemaker. There are no set hours for homemakers. Discipline and motivation are two qualities homemakers need to have. Patience, understanding, and a good sense of humor can help them to deal with the many demands of running a household. Successful homemakers are successful managers who can balance the many changing needs of household members and achieve a smoothly running household.

Earnings and Benefits
Homemakers do not earn salaries. They share the household income with other members of the household. One benefit is a flexible work schedule. They are able to pursue leisure or work activities inside and outside the household. In some cases homemakers receive benefits from jobs they hold outside the home. They may share in benefits extended to other members of the household who have jobs outside the home.

My Color

Saw this over at Smile, Play, Dream, and had to play. Who knew that someone could need more black??

You Need Some Black in Your Life

Black will make you feel powerful, in control, and not bound to what other people think of you. And with a little black, you will project a aura of mystery, rebellion, and dominance. If you want people to respect you, you've got to get a little black in your life! For extra punch: Combine black with orange or red The downside of black: People won't be able to "read" you - and may perceive you as more aggressive than you actually are The consequences of more black in your life: You'll become a figure of intrigue and speculation You'll be better prepared for life's unknown path You'll rest better and free yourself of expectations

What Color Do You Need?

Obsessing

I have spent the last two days interviewing for a new position.

I have had one phone interview, one panel interview, and one full day assessment. They have all been great, but interviewing can be stressful, even though it is positive.

I am one of 2 final candidates and have been invited back to interview on Wednesday.

This process and this opportunity is absorbing my consciousness and I am spending a significant amount of thought on how to best prepare for Wednesday. How I compare to my competition, what weaknesses I need to address, what strengths I need to emphasize, etc.

I think I'm obsessing and need to distance myself a little.

Maybe this beautiful, long weekend is just the thing . . . as long as I can turn my attention to other things.

Dear God

Dear God,

Thank you again for my opportunity to interview for a new position this Thursday.

Thank you also for the new opportunity that came to me today and will result in an inital interview in the next few weeks. It is not what I had imagined or expected, but I am excited by the possibility and the choices that are making themselves available to me.

I continue to learn from this situation, and I appreciate the lessons. I am working to release any anger or resentment I have as a result of allowing myself to be hurt. I understand that I can control these things and look forward to growing even stronger.

Please continue to bring me opportunities and I promise to continue to grow.

Prayer

The book I'm currently reading spent some time talking about prayer. The viewpoint I have always had is that you pray for things like strength, patience, wisdom, etc., but that it is not appropriate to pray for specific outcomes.

This book turned by belief on it's ear and so today I said this prayer:

Dear God,

Please provide me with this new job opportunity, so that I may leave my toxic work environment and start anew. Please help me to have a positive start in the position, and I promise to put to use what I have learned and to acknowledge the mistakes that I have made.

Again, please give me a job offer to consider.

Thank you.

Gratitude

I am grateful for:

- beautiful warm days and living in a vacation destination
- the amazing moon last night and this morning
- my morning walk with the dogs at the bay and the nice people and dogs we encountered
- a lazy day of lunch and shopping with my daughter
- my upcoming interview on Thursday - YEAH!!! PARTY WOO!!!! OH RIGHT!!!!!
- finding two suits that would work for the interview
- the local tailor and her willingness to work in my timeframe
- pizza/movie night
- my girlfriend who helped me shop for suits and gave me her honest opinion when I needed it
- hearing my children playing outside while I write this
- frozen pesto from this summer that I get to have on my salmon tonight
- fresh blueberries
- clean cars and a garage to put them into

Tough Questions

Some tough questions from Kickbully.com.

Questions to ask in
pursuit of self-awareness

What are your limitations? I think I should have none, but the ones I have are self-imposed.

What are your emotional weaknesses? Crying.

What are your emotional hot buttons? Feeling like I failed to perform.

Where are you vulnerable to bullying? Work and in relationships where I feel a difference in power - authority figures.


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Do you confront your fears? I'm learning to.

Are you afraid of failing? Absolutely.

Are you afraid of making mistakes? Yes.


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Do you fear anger in others? A little - I tend to assume that it will lead to action.

Do you feel too much guilt? Maybe.

Do you feel responsible for people who have made their own choices? Yes, sometimes.


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Are you anxious to build good relationships? Yes.

Are you the only one contributing to a relationship? I've learned that soemtimes I am - like with my mom - but I am learning not to.

Do you allow others to be destructive towards you? Yes, but I want to change.

Do you blindly trust others? No.


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Do you blindly give them the benefit of the doubt? Generally, yes.

Are you anxious for the approval of others? Yes, especially superiors or elders.

Do you fear criticism from others? Yes - it makes me think I failed.

Do you avoid confronting others? Yes.

Do you avoid discomfort in relationships? Generally. I justify it by thinking there is nothing to gain.


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Do you depend on others for your happiness? I don't think I do, but maybe I am lying to myself.

Are you afraid to be emotionally independent? I've never thought about that.

Are you afraid of being emotionally isolated? I don't think so.

Do you seek self-confident personalities to compensate for your weakness? I don't think of myself as having weaknesses, generally, but I do prefer to be around confident people. I find I am impatient with those who seem to be victims, and am especially impatient/lack understanding for my victim roles.


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Are you worried about what others think about you? Yes, I think it influences/impacts my effectiveness as a leader.

Are you overly polite? Yes, well, not sure if I'm "overly" polite.

Are you polite to people who are intentionally hurting you? I don't like to stoop to their level, so yes, but I'm not sure that's wrong.

Are you afraid of sounding abrupt? I'm afraid of stooping.

Do you avoid being simple and direct? Based on the above, yes, I guess I do.


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Are you thinking like a victim? Sometimes.

Do you stand up for your rights? Most of the time.

Are you straightforward with others? Yes, but I try to deliver effectively.


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Are you overwhelmed by hate for a bully? A little right now.

Is hate clouding your thinking? No, I am controlling it.

Is your frustration carrying into your personal life? I'm controlling that too.


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Are you aware of the emotions and attitudes of others? Yes.

Do you listen carefully to the intent behind the words? Not so much.

Do you ask questions to understand others better? Not always.

Are you naïve about the attitudes and thinking of others? Yes, at times.


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How have you responded to past bullying? Leaving.

Are you currently being bullied? Yes.

Do you know how to defend yourself against bullying? I'm learning.

Are you willing to begin fighting bullies? YES!

Are you willing to persevere until the fight is completely over? YES

Are you willing to change yourself? YES, and I'm getting help

The Battlefield

Yesterday my boss berated me in front of staff and then closed the door and I was reduced to tears. I was so mad at myself for getting sucked into the useless drama and expending, no wasting my precious emotional energy.

I woke up steaming mad and here and now, I am fighting back.

I have started my campaign politically to educate others on what he's really doing, and I am becoming more agressive and successful in my interviews.

In deciding to fight, it is interesting to me that I may still have to leave and that I may learn some valuable lessons. These lessons are summed up nicely on Kickbully.com.

Understand the benefits

- A bully is useful to you because he provides a huge challenge
- If you see it through, you will win in the long run
- You are accelerating the pain, which means the pain will end sooner
- The worse things get, the easier it will be to rebuild your life
- You will be a better, stronger and wiser person when it is over
- Winning doesn't necessarily mean you will stay in your current job
- Winning is always standing up for your rights
- You will learn about true friendship (or lack thereof)
- You will become a better judge of people
- You will learn what to look for in future friends
- You will learn what to look for in future employers

Useful reminders to yourself

I appreciate the many opportunities this job provides me for personal growth.
When this is over, I will be a much better and wiser person.
When this is over, my life will be much better.
I don't care how bad things get, I'm going to finish this.
Short-term pain is the price I must pay for long-term gain.

In working through my emotions last night a painful memory came back. I remember crying in the kitchen when I was leaving my last job, saying "At least in my new job, I won't be crying in the kitchen after work." No, instead, I have been crying at work, reduced to an emotional mess by a bullying boss.

I am so mad at myself for allowing this to happen, but also proud of myself for noticing the pattern and acknowledging my role in it.

In talking with a city manager today, he said that I can be intimidating to some because of my credentials and abilities. I asked how do I control that, and he replied to work extra hard to not be threatening or work for someone who won't be threatened. The former doesn't come naturally to me and isn't necessarily a skill I want to develop.

Hence, my initial resolution to work for someone much older than me next time. Or perhaps better educated. Or perhaps with a healthy sense of self-esteerm and clear understanding of his/her role and mine.

Yes, I am preparing for battle and embarking on a life changing journey as I learn to not create this pattern for myself in the future.

Happy New Year and Gratitude

This year I have started an old fashioned journal to celebrate my successes in personal growth. It's the old school kind with lined paper and a pretty embroidered cover.

I feel this odd divide among my two journals now, the one that lives on paper and the one that lives in cyberspace.

I feel like I should organize them somehow and declare that the paper is for ____ and the cyber is for ______, but I don't want to. Don't feel the need to be boxed in and attempting to organize every corner of my life.

So, I will live in free form for a while and see what is and that is what shall be.

About New Years Resolutions . . . not sure if I really have any other than to release resentment and celebrate successes more. Pretty vague, but I'm growing tired of specifics when it comes to defining my goals. I want to be lofty, airy and free flowing.

Gratitude. I am grateful for:

- allowing myself to finally buy new bras in the right size
- allowing myself to buy a new purse, one from a company that gurantees and refurbishes them
- allowing myself to not feel obligated to go to playgroup this morning
- my phone interview tomorrow
- asthma medication for my daughter
- big, fat Sunday papers