My stepmom called me today to let me know that my dad, who is battling cancer, is in the hospital . . since Friday of last week! That's more than five days that he's been in the hospital and I've been going about my life like everything is normal. Was he sitting there thinking no one cared about him? Did he not want to bother me? Was he scared and didn't want to worry anyone? Did he even have an opinion on the matter or was it entirely up to my stepmom? I'm angry I didn't know sooner and embarrassed that I spent the last week living such a normal life without checking in on him.
It reminds me of something that happened to my college room mate. Her grandfather died while we were in college and no one told her until after the funeral. Now I understand a little of the complex set of emotions she must have felt.
Now I'm worried about how much I'll know as this cancer battle continues. The only thing I can do is to call more often to check up on him. But this touches on my need to feel some sense of control in matters - that's another blog in itself.