Mid Year Resolution

Even though I'm still trying to keep up with my new year's resolutions, I seem to have added one earlier this month.

It all started with the vacation. I made a point of not bringing work along on the vacation - no laptop and I kept my cell off unless I wanted to call out. I also made a conscious decision not to talk about work too much. This stems from the fact that work tends to made me sad and talking about it only brings me and others down. I did talk some about my job search as that was more uplifting and positive.

So, I kind of liked this new approach and have worked to stick with it since coming back from vacation. I am working especially hard to not let this talk come into family dinner time or time alone with my husband.

I'm okay talking about the job search, as long as I stay positive, but I work very hard not to rehash and complain about my day.

And you know what? I like this new way much better, and since I like it, I think I'm going to stick with it!

Gratitude 3

I am grateful for:

- Kisses from my daughter
- A job that allows my husband to stay home
- My primary care physician, who is good enough that my husband doesn't mind his annual physicals, even when they involve unpleasant procedures
- Sharing my daughter's albumn with her and seeing her read and look at things she did just years ago, but didn't remember or recognize
- My dad's bows and arrows that he lovingly made for the kids and their friends
- My dad's wife for joining our family

Sure to Make You Smile . . .

. . . if not dance.

Click here.

Meet Ollie

So we turned our lives upside down this weekend and adopted a gorgeous, and strong, Labrador/Brittany Spaniel mix from Labrador Rescue. His name is Ollie. Ollie is between 2 and 4 years old and weighs about 60 pounds. He was rescued the day he was to be euthanized and after spending one month is the shelter. From the shelter, he spent one month in boarding and then one month with a foster family. So his last three months have been pretty unsteady.

We adopted him to be a running partner for me as our current dog is getting older and having joint issues. She will still come on the walks, but can't run anymore without injury.

Since adopting Ollie Saturday morning, we have had a lot of excitement. He has:

- Escaped the house twice, running up and in and out of the street for about 1/4 mile each time.
- Eaten 1/4 of a birthday cake, off the kitchen counter, damn those long legs!
- Discovered how to get into the automatic close garbage can in the kitchen.
- Destroyed one toy which our current dog never even damaged.
- Tore up the carpet tack strip in our bedroom entry way.
- Run 20 miles and still has energy to spare. (The husband has also taken him running - I couldn't dream of going that far in three days!)
- Eaten the nose off of one of my son's stuffed animals.
- Found the opossums living in the neighbors bushes.
- Pulled me in directions I didn't know I could go.
- Captured my heart.

Now I just need him to capture my husband's heart!

Wish us luck!

Boss in the Middle

One of the things I hate about being in the middle between and employee and the big boss is performance reviews. When we agree, it is easy. When we disagree, I have to decide whether or not to fight the battle. My boss often accuses me of being too pro-employee, and as a result, he recommends adjustments to the reviews I prepare for staff who report to me. On one rare occassion it is upward, but more often it is downward.

I aquiesed on the review for one employee, who was quite upset at seeing ratings go down from last year. He went so far as to use the word "demoralizing" and say "you guys really know how to push people out".

How do I respond to that.

Do I present a unified front, do I be honest about the differences in opinion (which I did), or do I simply say that they can go above me if they don't like it.

A Clean House

I have a little secret.

I'm really quite ashamed and almost too embarrassed to admit it.

It's a feeling I feel like I shouldn't have.

You see, the husband and kids have been gone for a week, and . . . .

Here it is: I have been enjoying my family being gone.

It hit me most when my mother-in-law asked if I was lonely and missing my family. I was honest and told her that I was making the most of my time alone. I am relishing in odd meal times, odd meals, lots of early morning activity, getting projects done, quiet, and most of all . . . a clean house, with things left where I put them and no new things appearing out of what seems like nowhere. A clean house, like a gift from heaven.

But I feel guilty. My daughter is suffering from serious homesickness - she's 7 years old and has been away from home for 3 weeks. We didn't quite expect the homesickness since the majority of time she had parents or a parent. But it's not the same as having your own bed, your own yard, your dog, your toys, your friends, even your own bathroom. I remember traveling extensively for my first job, and one of the things that really wore on me was public bathrooms - I got so sick of restaurant/work/hotel bathrooms. Weird, huh?

So, today I am grateful for my time alone, while I have it, and for knowing that my family will be home soon, so that then, I can be grateful for their presence.

Gratitude 2

I am grateful for:

my basil crop
my dog
running into a friend during my morning walk
girls night this Saturday
my husband's willingness to get a second dog
my health
my old coworker who I met for lunch yesterday

Gratitude 1

Plagarism is the finest form of flattery, so I'm taking this idea from Yertle's blog.

I am grateful for:

Beautiful sunrises during my morning walks
Fellow dog owners whose dogs play with mine
Neighbors who put my paper on the porch as they walk by
My children's friends who come to their parties
My husband who calls me and tells me he loves me
My paycheck that allows him to spend time with the kids
My dad still being alive
The young teenager who is walking my dog during the day while I work late
Our nanny of almost 8 years

Like a Slap in the Face

So I went back to work today after a couple weeks away.

Wow.

I feel so drained. It was so hard to go into work after being away. To walk into the climate I have grown to hate. To try to put on a smile for the people I like, but the place I hate.

We had a board meeting and then the annual employee appreciation lunch. This is when my boss pretends I don't exist. He doesn't introduce me to anyone, doesn't acknowledge my accomplishments, doesn't sit with me, and doesn't allow me to present to the board, instead presenting letters I wrote as if he wrote them himself.

Further justification for why I am looking for a new job.

Which I will find, on my timetable and to suit my needs.

I will appreciate the experience I gained here and learn from it while I create a new reality for myself.

I deserve recognition, growth, opportunity, challenge and respect. All of this and more.

Extremes

I've spent the last two weeks with family. The first week with my nuclear family - husband, daughter, and son. The second week with husband's in-laws to celebrate the parents' 50th anniversary. Pretty big accomplishment in my point of view. All of the 5 children were there, including the 3 grandchildren. The other grandchild is 20 - my kids are 6 and 8. The expectations of little kids by others continues to amaze me. It was really hard to watch other people. albeit family, reprimand my children. It makes me angry and protective.

For example, who really expects a 6 and 8 year old to be quiet at 1 in the afternoon? Or who expects an 8 year old to not interrupt sometimes? Answer: my sisters-in-law.

Now, though, I am home alone for 2 weeks while the husband and kids travel and spend more time with the grandparents.

I think I'll survive, but it already feels really weird. Being home alone without chatter or company has been fun this first day, but I'm already missing my family.

Goals: scrapbooking, yoga, shopping (new bed, another dog). Maybe another novel or two.