I had a very intense therapy session last night as I read my letter and grappled with my relationship with my mother and my unfulfilled needs.
Not dissimilar to when I was a child in therapy during the divorce, my therapist told me that my mother is unable to be a mother to me, to nurture me. She said "that well is dry and you keep trying to go there for comfort only to find that it is still dry". So, instead of looking for other people to meet my needs, I have repressed them.
I have presented myself, especially to my husband, as someone who doesn't need attention, nurturing, sensitivity, and care. That I am self-sufficient, independent and strong, needing almost nothing to exist and continue on.
This is flawed as I do have needs and I have not allowed myself to acknowledge them. I have stopped myself from getting them met.
Now I need to resort my needs and ask for them to be met. I need to explain that I am evolving from who I was and that I am changing. That I am a needy person and I have a right to seek out having my needs met.
I just hope that my husband's well isn't also dry.