Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Homework Cram Session

Tonight I meet with my therapist and last week she asked me to do some journaling on what she perceives as my attraction/acceptance of selfish and lazy people.

This comes out of discussions about my frustrations with my husband and the commonality with my relationship with my mom.

I hesitate to write this on my blog as I fear it will be very negative, and I don't want to be a downer. So . . .

Warning! What you are about to read is filled with resentment. Please note, however that the writer is working through these emotions with the goal of healing her relationships and preserving and improving her marriage.

Dear Wife,

Please work full time in a job that you can barely tolerate while I work for myself, part-time, when I please and as it fits my schedule. Please do walk the dogs each morning, as you know I won't do anything with them during the day, and don't forget to make the kid's lunches, as I'll just let them buy school lunches even though our daughter should not drink milk and you think school lunches put her asthma at risk, and do this before you leave for your 9-hour work day. I'll get the kids ready for school. Yes, sometimes they wake up before me and I just stay in bed while they do God knows what in the house. And yes, they just have cold cereal on most days. And yes, I seem to forget to make our daughter take her medication, but thanks for the sign you posted above her backpack - we're getting a little better at remembering. Oh, and don't forget to feed the dogs.

After working your 9-hour day and driving at least 30 minutes to get home, we'll all be home waiting for you to make our dinner. Now, you know this is your fault because you don't like my cooking and because you are in charge of shopping, so how would I know what to make? About a year ago, you made those great lists of exactly what I should make (chicken, rice, salad, broccoli), but you stopped, so I stopped making the meals.

Please bring up your concerns and frustrations, but understand that I may simply not respond. Yep, that's right, not say a single word. Because you're emotional and will get over it anyway, why invest my energy, plus it's kind of hard, so I'll just avoid it and you.

Understand that I don't want you to spend a dime. Literally. I will complain about everything you spend that isn't on groceries (that are on sale). Also, I will not buy anything, because that involves spending money. Conveniently, this puts you in the position of buying everything like shoes for the kids and presents for my relatives. Don't expect presents either, those cost money.

After a long week of work, you get to have some quality time with the kids on Saturday. I know you miss them. I'll go off and run with my running club. Sometimes I'll run so far that I'm exhausted the rest of the day, so don't expect me to mow the lawn or do any heavy lifting on these days. Yes, I know I run more than 20 miles a week, but don't expect me to run with that new dog. He was your idea and that's why you get to do all the work. That will teach you a lesson. Even though I came with you to get him and seemed to agree, this is your burden.

You see, the problem is your standards are way higher than mine and you put this on yourself. I'd be happy with no friends, no parties, a messy house, clothes that don't fit, and relatives who don't hear from us at Christmas. You seem to think this is important. What's important to me? My running and my business, don't mess with those. Somewhere after those is where you fall. At least you are before the kids.

Signed,
Your husband of 10 years.

1 comment:

yertle said...

Good for you for processing all of this. I know it is hard, but it seems like it will help you see the beliefs that you life by that are causing you to feel unhappy, and to be able to get clear about what you want so you can ask for it. Best of luck on this journey. I am here if you need me. Sending love and support.