Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Homework

I want the Magic Pill!

What stories do you tell yourself to keep you from making real change in your life?
I can have a normal life with a normal mom and normal grandma to my children. The past is the past and I can forgive and make my own future.

What beliefs or blockages prevent you from experiencing new ways of doing things?
One should never shut anyone out of their life, and parents deserve respect.

Do you constantly beat yourself up?
Yes, I can't do enough for my mom - there is more that I could/should be doing to make her life more comfortable.

Do you constantly label yourself as ‘bad’, ‘wrong’ or ‘not good enough’ in some way?
I need to be strong. Being sensitive or putting my needs above others is wrong. I am a rock and I can provide for everyone.

Would you allow your friends and colleagues to speak to you in the way your ego—your Inner Judge and Critic—speaks to you?
No.

Do your current beliefs bring you happiness (be honest) or pain and suffering (be equally honest)?
Pain and suffering.

If the latter, why do you continue to hold them and allow them to run your life?
I let my mom use me and I wallow in guilt, which I even transfer to my brother. I still feel guilty for going to live with my dad, for picking the stronger parent. Frankly, it is unfair that I ever had to pick. I got dealt a raw hand in life. But if I change my beliefs and my actions now, I can allow myself to be dealt a new hand.

What would it take to heal yourself?
I need to put limits on my relationship with my mother and to contain the damage. I need to put energy into the positive relationships in my life. My husband and children need me and my positive energy, which I will foster.

The average person has 16,000 thoughts a day. Would you characterize the majority of yours as ‘healing’ (love-based) or ‘killing’ (fear-based)?
I'm working on making my thoughts healing.

Did you ever just observe your thoughts without getting caught up in them, or in a ’story’?
Yes, during yoga and when I meditate.

What is it like?
Awesome - it helps me detach from the drama and not get sucked into anything too fast.

What one or two debilitating or limiting beliefs would you like to update right now?
The past is the past and I have a normal two way relationship with my mother.

Can you do it?
Yes

Will you?
I will try - I'm scared of change and the guilt trips from my mom when I begin to expect her to meet me halfway.

What one or two baby steps can you take this week or next to make changes in your life by creating new thoughts and beliefs about yourself—and then taking action?
I did one already. I am not dragging my whole family to Washington state for an annual trip. Just me. This saves money and unnecessary drama for my husband and kids - my mom never really offered them anything anyway, she's too self-absorbed.

1 comment:

yertle said...

I want the magic pill too!

Good for you for getting really clear on this and for making the decision not to take your family to Washington this year.

I so relate to this part

I need to be strong. Being sensitive or putting my needs above others is wrong. I am a rock and I can provide for everyone.

Am trying to figure out how to make it feel OK to put myself first.