Friday, October 5, 2007

Rejection

Single women tend to have this thought that once you are married with a husband, you have a date every Saturday night.

Us married women know differently.

Recently, I've felt rejected from my husband and other than feeling hurt, I'm confused what to do. You see, I have one of those wonderful jobs that gives me every other Friday off. He has one of those wonderful consulting part-time jobs that allows him to set his own schedule. For the past couple years, we've enjoyed those days off together. Having a leisurely breakfast/lunch. Lounging around or running errands, together. We'd talk about how lucky we were and how little time some of our friends have together as a couple.

Last Friday off, he wanted to work and I asked him to spend half the day with me. He agreed, but seemed reluctant. Based on other events (him forgetting we had a sitter one night, blowing off his volunteering in our son's class, picking the kids up late from school every day, etc.), several days later I broke down in tears and told him I thought his priorities were wrong and that we were going to be around a lot longer than his job. He remained mostly silent.

This Friday off, I remained silent and he went off to work. Coming to say goodbye only to confirm that I would pick up the kids.

It really hurts that work is more important, that he'd rather be there than with me.

It makes me wonder where our marriage is going and what I should do.

I don't want to beg someone to be with me if he doesn't want to be with me.

Maybe I need to just back off and find my own things for a while, let him miss me, but what if he doesn't?

2 comments:

Sierra said...

I'm sorry that you are feeling rejected. I think every marriage suffers from those feelings sometimes.

The truth is that it may not be rejection. He may not understand that you really feel rejected or why... even after your tearful explanation.

My hubby needs those kind of things spelled out. I mean I really break it down to the most basic components: "when you do ____, I feel ______", and "is that what you intended?".

If he gets really quiet or defensive, we set an appointment to discuss it when he has a chance to think it over and spell it out for me.

Most of the time, our true feelings aren't even being communicated until we have this conversation. The tough part is opening yourself to the possibility of real rejection to get to the bottom of it, but it is SO worth it.

yertle said...

So sorry that you are feeling rejected. It is really hard, and sadly usually not really the case, but once you feel that way it is even scarier to attempt to ask for the love and attention you want since you don't want even more rejection.

Silence is hard since then no one gets what they want. I hope you guys can talk through it and figure out a good win-win solution.