Monday, October 1, 2007

No Pressure or Anything

Last night I called my mom while making dinner. I try to call every couple weeks to check in - the regular calls keep her from feeling ignored and getting anxious. We've had a strained relationship ever since I was a teenager, but it gets better each year. Probably because I keep learning better ways to cope without pushing her away.

Anyhow, towards the end of the conversation she says something to the effect of "I hope that you are living up to your potential, you could be and do anything." I know she means well, but at times I feel this overwhelming pressure to live the life she didn't have. She was a stay at home mom and was wrecked financially after the divorce. She instilled in me a belief that women can do anything men can do and that a woman should work for money to stay independent. When I get caught up in the do everything, be everything, I try to step back and think about the long-term and balance. I would rather fail miserably career-wise than risk losing my husband to divorce, and this is not something I can say to my mom who initiated her two divorces.

So, what is my potential? What is the "all" in "having it all"?

I know I could be a better wife, mom and boss, but at what cost to me?

2 comments:

Sierra said...

I think everyone is fumbling around trying to answer that very question. Reaching your real potential has more to do with following your heart and living in line with what you feel is right than taking the advice of others.

There isn't a 'one size' deal for this and nobody can really know another person's potential if they still haven't reached their own.

I just say do the best with what you do know and forgive yourself for what you don't.

yertle said...

I am coming to realize that the all is being the best me that I can be and then taking that me into all the other roles -- wife, mom, boss. It is hard work though. But my hardest struggles is when I try to live up to some ideals in the roles and lose touch with myself.