Thursday, June 12, 2008

Perfection and Baggage

Last night I restarted therapy. I have been diagnosed with adjustment disorder. Basically saying that my life is requiring adjustments and I have stress as a result. At least this is what will be written down to justify the visits to insurance.

Part of the session focused on my feeling that I have to be perfect in my duties. This comes in two ways. I am going to be letting another employee go in a week or so, and I have been feeling a lot of guilt/angst over it. I feel like as a manager, I should be able to make any employee perform. That not being able to is my fault as a manager. The therapist helped me to understand that I was carrying the baggage of the employee and not accounting for his/her responsibility in the situation.

Same thing with the boss and how I've been beating myself up for us not having a good relationship. If I were a good employee, I should be able to work for anybody and make it work. Not so. I'm not responsible for his baggage either.

This helped me a lot and I think it is going to make me a better manager. The more I can understand the true requirements, while exercising respect and compassion, the better I will be.

1 comment:

Sierra said...

Wow! That is pretty insightfull. Ya know, I think that is why most women have difficulty in positions of authority. I find that I take responsibility for other people too. It can be very taxing and frustrating. I'm wondering if it came from my mom internalizing all the bad decisions me and my sisters made and blaming herself for our mistakes... even though she taught us better. Hummm. You inspire deep thoughts.
Thanks for sharring, and clarifying the concept of NOT carrying other peoples baggage.