From the title, you are correct in assuming that I have almost 100% made up my mind on something.
In response to a recent post, Yertle suggested to me to "go to those hard spaces - to have the conversations about the difficulties instead of letting them fester under the surface. If you feel brave, maybe you could actually talk it out with the boss."
In theory I agree with this. Yes, this is a better way than allowing things to fester.
But . . .
I have felt a strong reluctance to this and my strong reluctance and closed mind have been kind of bothering me. I'm embarrassed. I feel bothered that I'm not willing to do this. I feel stubborn and a little ignorant.
Until I remember some of our past conversations when we have "gone there". The last one was especially bad. He took out his cell phone and replayed a message I left. He then critiqued my tone and use of words, accusing me of keeping things from him. He told me he wanted me to be different. He wants us to duke it out and then kiss and make up. I'm not a duke it out type. And I will not become that to please him. I told him that we might not be able to reconcile his wants and what I can do.
I feel like I have gone there and I feel like it has not been a positive experience. I feel as if things have not improved as a result, and there was no benefit to offset the cost.
So, I don't want to go there again. I don't want to have another conversation attempting to clear the air.
I don't see any benefit. I've already made up my mind to work him out of my life. Sure, I'm making this work temporarily, but I don't plan to continue to work for him or with him, so I am focusing on my future, which does not include him.
In the present, I am as open as possible, but I'm not looking much beyond 6 months. Getting along is just temporary.
We'll see, I may end up eating those words some day. If that day comes, I will gladly eat them, but this is where I am now.