Monday, May 19, 2008

Up and Down - Can People Really Change

The job search continues . . .

I have had one interview that went very well, and I had one position for which I applied go away. The interview was amazingly short (45 minutes) and the interviewer indicated that there would only be one interview. They expect a decision in about 2 - 3 weeks. I am optimistic, but also realistic that I do not have all of the direct experience they might be seeking - I have other offerings though that the other applicants may not. This interview was for a job not requiring relocation.

The job that went away would have required moving the family. After careful consideration and some honest evaluation, we have decided not to move. The situation at work is improving; as such, a longer job search shouldn't affect my health. And I hate the thought of moving my family just to get away from a bad boss - something about that just feels wrong, and I don't think I could forgive myself for letting someone control my decisions that way.

Which brings me to the question, "Can People Really Change?" As you may know, I report to an abusive and arrogant man who has on numerous occasions brought me to tears. I am a strong woman and this has never happened before in my 16 year career which spans 6 different bosses. But, I can see him trying very hard to control his anger and treat people with more respect. Trying and succeeding are two different things. He is a self-centered person and being sensitive to others does not come naturally to him. I suspect that he will simply resort to his natural state once he feels his job is no longer in danger. As such, I am not holding out hope that I can stay here and be happy. Which is a bummer since I am about to get a nice raise in July. Not enough, though, to withstand being denigrated and disrespected.

Am I being too close minded? Should I have more faith in people's ability to change? Am I simply afraid of being hurt?


yertle said...

Good for you for deciding not to move! It would be a shame to have him run you out of your town. I am glad that things are getting better, but understand the fear that it won't last. What works for me is reminding myself that I will take care of me no matter what -- like you said, it isn't worth your health.

After reading this post, the first thing that came to mind was ...

"If your boss were here to be your greatest teacher, what lesson is he trying to teach you?"

It is a weird way of looking at it, but it helped me to look at my grandma in that way.

Sierra said...

I am impressed with your perspective. You are clearly in control and making your own decisions based on what is really most important to you and not what is most urgent or irritating.
I think it is difficult to change and many people don't... especially if they don't see a reason to or if the reason isn't deep enough to inspire action.
It always helps me to try to see things from their perspective. Sounds like this man has some serious issues that cause him a lot of pain and frustration in his life and it also sounds like he is trying to work through them. Some people are just toxic though, and you need to know when to pull the plug. Good luck in the decisions and the interviewing process.