You ever heard the phrase, "Spare the rod, spoil the child"?
This has been on my mind a lot lately.
My mom was yelled at and hit as a child. She tells stories of how the nuns rapped her knuckles with rulers and her mom slammed her fingers in the window. My dad remembers the paddle in school. My mom vowed never to hit us. And she did pretty well with that promise, she slapped me once when I was a teenager, and lookihng back, I'm pretty sure I deserved it. My dad didn't make any promises one way or another and the occassional spanking was not unheard of. Once he got mad at me for intervening in a fight between my parents and my brother, he grabbed my arm hard, which wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't popped the stiches that I had just gotten from a minor surgery - the scar is hideous. Although my mom didn't hit, she could say some god awful things and she lectured forever. I remember her following me into the basement to continue a fight and even waking me up in the middle of the night to yell at me. My brother jokes that at times he wished she would just hit us and get it over with instead of lecturing for hours.
So, my daughter and son are 7 and 5. An age where they have a lot of control over their actions and words. At times they can be very disrespectful, rude and out of control. At times, I slap them. I'm so embarrassed to admit this and feel like such a hypocrite when I tell them not to hit. How do I explain the reason. Far away from it, like now, it feels like a loss of control on both our parts. In the heat of it, though, it feels like the only way to get their attention after trying to reason calmly. This only came up this past year. Something about the sassing and outright disregard for rules triggers it.
So, I'm curious what did you experience growing up and how did it color how you parent?