I had an intense session with my psychotherapist last night and came home with some writing assignments. She suggested holding off talking with the hubby too much about the letter as I seem to have too many issues and not a lot of clarity on what I want or need.
Assignment #1 - Make a list of my rights as a wife.
Assignment #2 - Make a list of my rights as a person.
Assignment #3 - Make a list of what my husband would have to do for me to feel valued.
Assignment #4 - Make a list of what my husband would have to do for me to feel loved.
It has become clear that I don't feel I have a right to ask people to treat me a certain way, that I have a belief that I have to accept them as they are and cannot ask them to do things for me. That I have to conform. That I have to accept. That I have to adapt.
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Wow. We really share this in common. I always feel like I just have to suck it up and take what is. It is slowly starting to change. The problem is that I feel so angry. Last night I went and closed myself in my car in the garage to listen to loud music since I was feeling so frustrated.
I know it is not his fault, I set it up like this too, but I have a hard time not seeing him as the obstacle to change. It feels like it is anger about the high expectations I put on myself around running our household, and wanting to give some of it up, but wanting to be controlling about it - like by making him do the things.
Just yesterday I wrote the following.
That trying to renegotiate with my husband is challenging, but I have to be willing to do it to be happy. Just giving in to keep the peace doesn't work anymore.
That I can love my husband for who he is AND still have expectations of him in our marriage since it is a partnership
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